A new idea proposed in South Florida has us feeling a little like Frederick Frankenstein in Mel Brooks’ “Young Frankenstein” after discovering his father’s instructions on how to create life with dead body parts and lightning: It … could … work!
The idea, in case you missed it, is to split the Sunshine State in half.
The Commission for the City of South Miami — apparently there is a north and south Miami — voted 3-2 for a proposal that would split the state. The proposal was apparently supported because council members felt Tallahassee wasn’t doing enough about climate change.
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The dividing line would run through Pinellas, Hillsborough, Polk, Orange and Brevard counties and the metropolises of South Florida — including Tampa, St. Petersburg and Orlando — would get a state government that cares about their needs and most likely would be represented by Democrats. Meanwhile, North Florida in theory would go on much like it has and remain represented by Republicans and conservatives.
If they can’t split it up, some South Florida pundits suggest they should just give away the Panhandle to Alabama and Georgia. Democrats would start winning elections and South Florida needs would become a top priority in what was left of the state.
To which we say, tongue in cheek in case it isn’t clear, “Sure, why not?”
One of the reasons why the idea resonates is because Florida is already a Frankenstein state with portions that don’t seem to match.
Culturally, South Florida has much more in common with New York and New Jersey (and contains plenty of retirees, Teamsters and mobsters from those states) than it does with North Florida. Meanwhile, it would be hard to argue that the Panhandle is not already an extension of Alabama or Georgia. If you doubt it, just play either “Georgia on My Mind” or “Sweet Home Alabama.” Those songs aren’t about our home, but they sure do feel like it.
If you still aren’t sure, then you probably aren’t aware that many folks here grew up equating “LA” with Lower Alabama as opposed to Los Angeles, which self-respecting Panhandle residents avoid at all costs.
While we have enjoyed periods of influence in Tallahassee thanks to our voting prowess, we would probably still be better off without South Florida concerns holding us back.
But are there even more motives lurking beneath the surface to our south? Are they after our Snowbirds, our wonderful winter visitors, in hopes of luring them further south while at the same time shipping what’s left of their heathenistic spring breakers to our pristine beaches?
Would we lose our in-state discounts to Disney World? Would each state honor the other’s fishing and hunting licenses, or driver’s licenses for that matter, given the fact that North Floridians are proven to be better drivers than our southern brethren?
The North Florida voting bloc and the power that comes with it is a relatively new phenomenon. We remember quite well how this part of the state was treated like Igor at times, as would-be senators, governors and presidents went looking for votes in South Florida. In Tallahassee, the industries and concerns of North Florida, it seemed, were ignored while the state’s money and construction projects were funneled down south.
Now that the tables have turned ever so slightly, South Florida wants to be rid of us. That’s not surprising as they never considered us to be part of Florida to begin with.
Also — and we can’t stress this enough — most of those embarrassing moments that make Florida the laughingstock of the nation were generated in South Florida. Hanging chads and confused elderly voters? Those were South Florida issues. Fangate? Rick Scott’s Florida residence is in Naples and Charlie Crist calls St. Petersburg home.
Ultimately, the state is probably stronger when it stays together. If nothing else, one state with three college football powerhouses has a better chance of winning a national title.
We’re sure there are other good reasons, just as we’re sure lawmakers are unlikely to give this idea too much thought.