PANAMA CITY — Knowing her mother would die didn’t prepare Sandy Davenport for her mother’s death.
“I know she’s at peace,” she said, “but I would like to live the rest of my life in a happy fashion.”
Monotone and lifeless, her words fell from her lips, although the 63-year-old woman describes herself as “overall happy.”In March her mother died under her care, she said. Immediately following the death, Davenport became responsible for closing her mother’s estate.
The stress of it all has left her nearly a year later feeling “like everything was handled wrong.”
“As a person progresses and gets worse, when you see people they are able to do less and less and require more assistance, all those things bring about more grief,” Sharon Burnette, coordinator for home-based services and caregiver program at Bay County Council on Aging. “If someone suddenly dies, you have it all to deal with.”
Burnette and caregiver support group leader Ida Mae Fleming suggest caregivers and families of terminally-ill people consider seeking help when dealing with post-death arrangements.
Caregivers can avoid confusion and guilt after the death of a loved one by making sure the person who is being cared for has a written will endorsed by a trusted attorney, communicate openly and regularly with family members and by getting involved in a support group to assist with the stages of grief.
“It’s recommended that you don’t make any major decisions in the first year. You may regret those decisions that you’ve made during grief,” Burnette added.
Davenport has some regrets. Some of her angst comes with how her 85-year-old mother’s assets were divided. She received a house and some money, but wasn’t prepared to pay property taxes on the four-acre property.
“My income is not as much as the bill,” she said, adding that she has no plans to sell the property.
In such cases, Fleming said, the caregiver should look into splitting up assets with other family members in order to share the new, reoccurring tax burden.
Often families become divided over financial management of the deceased person’s will, Fleming said, however, whatever the deceased person’s will states, should be followed.
“It’s sad, but that divides a lot of families,” she said.
Being a part of a caregiver support group — one meets every second Friday at 1 p.m. at the annex building at the Council on Aging, 1116 Frankford Ave. — could help individuals network and socialize with other caregivers who may have similar experiences.
“You don’t have to do it by yourself,” Burnette said.